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All I remember from that day is that I did like the feeling of the powder-and this is important, children-as it was intended to be consumed. 'Died early in round 16 - struggling - sleepy - so I need more' Or a kid who got into daddy's whiskey stash and decided to handwrite a recap of a round of Fortnite. It's like trying to read the diary of The Tell-Tale Heart guy. I can hardly decipher the chicken scratch.

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I have a legal pad full of notes from the day I reserved to pound GHOST Gamer and play Call of Duty zombies. Get unlimited access to Esquire's latest lifestyle coverage. The folks at GHOST sent me a few samples. Goal: Start juicing my way into pro gaming for an Esquire story. Why not toss a scoop of a supposedly memory-boosting, attention-increasing energy bomb into your Yeti during a game of 2K? Since the use of nootropics isn't quite so prevalent as, say, your average name-stylized-in-all-caps ENERGY DRINK in the gaming community, I figured I'd make myself an over-caffeinated lab rat. So you can guess why something like this would have gamers thinking like Barry Bonds in the '90s.

Now, some doctors say that you're better off with a good night's sleep, but admit that ingredients commonly used in nootropics can potentially improve memory and enhance the effects of caffeine. Nootropics supplements like GHOST Gamer like to stack a bunch of these together for a Limitless effect. Lesser known smart drugs include L-tyrosine, citicoline, and Noopept. You're probably already good friends with caffeine and L-theanine, maybe even creatine if you lift, bro. I was more interested in the concept of nootropics-an umbrella term for any substances that are supposed to improve cognitive function. GHOST Gamer sports a handful of indecipherable ingredients that, when blended together, represent what GHOST claims is the 'perfect combo of brain-boosting nootropics and natural energy.' I'd never seen a caffeinated anything aimed at gamers that wasn't also in a gas station fridge. A few months later, I was trolling around GHOST's website and noticed a new supplement: GHOST Gamer. There I found GHOST (all caps!), a lifestyle/sports nutrition brand that makes a vegan protein that tastes like chocolate cereal milk. I had realized, after 27 years of unexplained diarrhea and puffy eyes, that I have a dairy allergy. This whole thing started with a trip to GNC. Instead, I abused the shit out of the powder-which is Swedish Fish-flavored!-and developed a crippling dependency on Brady's special juice*. I ordered some with the intention of trying it out for an Esquire story.

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But here is the movie trailer version: About a half year ago, I found out that the same company that makes my favorite protein supplement also sells what's allegedly a brain-boosting powder for video gamers looking to start juicing.

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I'm not sure how to tell this story without simultaneously revealing myself as an absolute, honest-to-god, genuine, grade-A, hazing, blazing maniac.

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